Is That A Black Snake Moan Accent In Your Mississippi Pants...
"Mississippi" by Killa Cole
Killa Cole of Blackboy Records representing for the South. Puttin' it down for the State of Mississippi and the hometown of Blackboy Records, H-Town (Houston, Tx.)
WHITE ART SNOB WARNING: For many white people - especially for a whole shit load of snobby white folks in the art world who are only comfortable with Southern political imagery that reinforces the myth of the vanishing rural landscape of places like Mississippi, a place where evil KKK whites once ruled over subservient and gentle blacks, yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about, the type of commercially successful easy on the eyes and easy to digest Civil Right Era imagery as executed by white art critic lauded photographers such William Eggleston - it may be shocking to learn that there are actually some young 21st century black people who choose to live out their lives in the Magnolia State and who seem to like it...and beyond that are...uh...even (shock of shocks!) creatively inspired by life in Mississippi.
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Alright, son, here we go. This here be's a pissed off film reivew of Black Snake Moan - yet another in a long line of bullshit myth movies about Mississippi that feature (as always) fake Mississippi accents in service of pleasurable stereotypes.
Bullshit Hollywood Fiction Mississippi Blues Musicians
Now, let me say for the record that there ain't no damn actor in the world that can punch out the words nigger and mutherfucker like Samuel L. Jackson. Just hearing those two words violently drip out of his gaping mouth (especially when used in close combination) scares the shit of me every time. But just because you might happen to be good as using the words nigger and mutherfucker at least fifty times in every sentence damn sure don't make you a good blues muscian. Folks, Samuel L. Jackson is a horrible excuse for a blues musician. I cringed while listening to him perform in Black Snake Moan. I actually felt embarassed for him.
White Trash Girls From Mississippi, White Panties That Never Stain And Confederate T-Shirts
Ok. Christina Ricci looks hot in her white stain-free panties. I admit it. Damn. I really do have to admit it. She looks so hot in those panties that I damn near didn't even notice her fake Mississippi accent. I also very much enjoyed how Christina could be dragged through the dirt, mud, beer, pot, sperm, more STDs than there are mosquitoes in the Delta of Mississippi, endless rows of corn and a tractor-destroyed bed or roses on a farm in her white panties without getting a single stain on them. [Ladies, just so's you know, us men folk in Mississippi hate chicks that wear stained white panties. We can deal with stained bras and socks, but for God's sake please remember what your momma told you and keep your panties clean at all times.] But I do have to take issue with Christina's bi-racial Confederate/Union t-shirt. Ain't no respectable white trash girl I know from the Magnolia State would ever be caught dead wearing an article of clothing that sports both a Confederate flag and a Union flag. Having Christina wear that damn shirt was nothing more than a lame ass political statement in support of identifying her character as being above and beyond the politics of the Civil War. It was fuckin' overkill on the part of the director. He didn't need to do that. The fact that he had her fuckin' a big black drug dealer, while being slapped half to death by every redneck polecat in town, was statement enough on Christina's character's committment to diversity and multiculturalism.
Pissant White Boys And Piss In Your Pants Panic Disorder
Guess what? Justin Timberlake's character was right on the gotdamn money, podnuh! Hell, I thought he was the only real deal in the whole damn movie. Of course, Justin was born in Memphis, so he's pretty much familiar with the way real crackers talk that live just south of the border of Tennessee.
Black Snake Moan - 2 1/2 *
I give Black Snake Moan 2 1/2 stars. I don't think I've ever seen anything sexier in the movies that features hot Southern sex than when Christina wrapped her white stain-free panties up in that sexually agressive chain, with the possible exception, of course, of that time I saw Neve Campbell and Denise Richards get their Florida swamp kiss on in Wild Things. Although Samuel L. Jackson was completely out of water as a blues musician, he did do what he does best in the movies: he used the words nigger and mutherfucker to great effect (in a Blues song this go around) and again scared the shit out of me. Justin Timberlake turns in a suprisingly good peformance as a sensitive but smart Southern dickhead who's found a clever medical excuse to avoid getting his balls shot off in Iraq, but who's life is destined to be ripped apart but good once his vagina mononucleosislogue writhing in sexual agony wife gets tired of his juvenile teeny-weeny limp white dick sans NASCAR-Viagra prattling boo-hoo-I-get-so-nervous-just-lookin'-at-ya-baby-that-I-gotta-go-throw-up-in-the-toilet ass and summons up the desire for another crack party night of full on body contact jungle fever with Tehronne.
But seriously, Hollywood, can I get a real Mississippi accent in the movies...just once...pretty please?
Better yet, can I get a real Mississippi Blues musician to teach all y'all sumpin'?
"Death Letter Blues" by Edward James "Son" House, Jr.
Damn. That was good. How 'bout another one?
"John the Revelator" by Edward James "Son" House, Jr.
Hell yeah! Hit me again!
"Aberdeen Mississippi Blues" by Booker T. Washington "Bukka" White
Hell, son, this is too good! Hit me again!
"Lonsome Valley Blues" by "Mississippi" John Smith Hurt
Jesus Christ, son, I can't take no more! But, what da hell, go on now and hit me one last time!
"Baby, Please Don't Go" by Joseph Lee "Big Joe" Williams
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Mississippi Blues - Sell Your Soul To The Devil And Be A Better Person For It!
Mississippi Delta Blues Society
Mississippi Delta Blues and Heritage Festival
Mississippi John Hurt Blues Foundation
Visit Mississippi - Mississippi Convention and Visitors Bureau
Labels: Black Snake Moan, Mississippi Blues
posted by The Right Reverend James W. Bailey at 10:13 AM
5 Comments:
Excellent post!
What did you think of David Banner? I'm against using the "n" word, but I can understand how its needed for some dialoge in movies.
Great post .. words cannot express just how much I hated this movie ... If you told me going that you'd have Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci in her underwear from most of the movie, I'd be hooked already, but from there Craig Brewer just made a mess of this one ... It hit as many wrong notes as Hustle & Flow did right ones .. David Banner, though was great, I thought, even if he was pretty much just playing himself
Dear nikkiblue and reel fanatic,
Thank you for your comments.
I thought David Banner was impressive in his role, although, yes, he was pretty much playing himself. I honestly think his character stole the light from the big name stars.
Maybe that's why this film (like most films about Mississippi - Oh, Brother Where Art Thou? being a rare exception for me) so aggravated me. I can deal with the fake Mississippi accents if the film is backed-up by actors and actresses that actually know the terrain, so to speak. There's a wealth of acting talent in Mississippi that goes untapped by Hollywood every time they venture into the state to make a film that is supposedly (at some level) focused on the culture of the state - John Maxwell of Jackson who has for years played William Faulkner in his one person production Oh, Mr. Faulkner, Do You Write?, comes to mind. I guess I was expecting something great from Brewer based upon the fantastic work he did with Hustle & Flow.
Regarding the use of the N-word, I'll share this story: My paternal grandmother from Mississippi was a Choctaw Indian. She was also as crazy as crazy gets and was something of an eccentric legend in Webster County. My grandmother believed that the blacks in my home state were direct descendents of the lost tribe of Israel. Her religious view was that God's judgment of whites would be based upon how whites treated blacks on Earth. She believed unrepentant white racists would be sent directly to hell.
What really used to crack me up as a child, however, was the fact that my grandmother, like just about every other person of her generation, used the word nigger all the time. Only in my grandmother's case she would only use the word nigger to refer to white people that pissed her off.
I'll never forget the first time I heard her do this: I was maybe 5 of 6 and had gone to town (a place named Eupora, Mississippi) with my grandmother. She parked her car in front of a store and we walked in to shop. When we came outside the store, there was a white policemen standing next to her car busy writing her a ticket. It seemed that my grandmother had parked her car in such a way that she was illegally occupying two parking lanes.
My grandmother yelled out at the white cop:
"Nigger, what do you think you're doing?"
The stunned cop looked up and said, "Mrs. Bailey, what did you just call me?" [Webster County is a small place and everybody know everybody.]
"You heard me, nigger, now you get the hell away from my car or I'll get my pistol out of the glove compartment and drop you dead right where you stand!"
And my grandmother meant it, too! She always carried a pearl handle revolver in her glove compartment.
While we were driving home I asked my grandmother why she called that white cop a nigger: that was the first time I had ever heard a white person called a nigger, so I was somewhat confused.
My grandmother replied: "Baby, a nigger is a white man that puts his nose into somebody's business where it don't belong."
I don't want to name names, but there are some white politicians that live and work in D.C. that I often refer to as niggers.
I also realize that my grandmother's ability to get away with calling a white cop in Mississippi a nigger does not reflect the reality of what would have happened to her if she had been black and said the same thing. My grandmother was married to a highly respected white preacher.
People have been killed for using words. I'm against killing over the use of words, any words
Man, I knew the White Stripes were shameless, but this is ridiculous.
Great post. I haven't yet seen Black snake Moan and will probably wait on the rental. But O' Brother... always seemed pretty authentic. As did Forrest Gump, in a sappy, nostalgic sort of way.
At least the authentic white boy blues artist Kenny Brown (R.L. Burnside's former side man) tried to teach him a song or too. He's in the film along with Cedric Burnside (hellofadrummer). All cool people laying it down original MS blues. GO HEAR THEM TODAY!
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